Tough Muffin

Okay..this is a really long post..but I promise there's a payout at the end. Here's what you get if you stick it out:

• A recipe for the muffins my bookclub are eating tomorrow
• A punch of my fantastic humor
• A pervy muffin picture

All worth it, right? Here we go:

Inside-Out Danish Muffins

• Your favorite flavor of jam. The thicker the better.
• 2 1/4 c All Purpose Flour
• 1/3 c Sugar
• 2 Tsp Baking Powder
• 1/2 Tsp Baking Soda
• 1/4 Tsp Salt
• 1 1/4 c Buttermilk
• 3 Tbsp Oil
• 2 egg whites
• 1 whole egg

-Mix flour, baking powder, baking soda, salt in bowl, set aside.

-Cream eggs, oil and sugar in large mixing bowl. Alternately add buttermilk and dry ingredients.

Cheese Filling:

• 8 oz Pkg Cream Cheese
• 1 Tbsp Lemon juice
• 1/2 tsp vanilla
• 3/8 c sugar
• 1 egg

-Place a spoonful of batter in each muffin cup, or use papers if you want. Mine stuck, so I greased the pan the second time around.

-Place about a teaspoon of cheese stuff in the center of each batter blob. Like so:

- Now put about a teaspoon of jam on top of the cheese:

- Now cover them over with another spoonfull of batter. Make sure you cover all the goo.

- Bake them at 375 for 20 minutes. Or, if your oven is from the 6th ring of hell like mine, 325 for like 15. Stupid oven.

So I make these muffins, and I'm really excited, because yeah, the concept isn't exactly original, but I stole bits and pieces of recipes and made this my own. I just knew that as soon as I pulled them from the oven, a frazzeled looking photographer from Martha Stewart was gunna burst through the door and demand to take photos of them.

Little did I know that my muffins had gone bad. Or rather, only the strawberry. I had a little Westside Story on my hands. The clean cut apricot muffins had behaved themselves, browning and rising nicely, getting straight A's, playing sports...etc.

But the strawberry muffins were clearly from the wrong side of the muffin tin. They were so angry at having to bake alongside those goody two-shoes apricot muffins that they spewed. No, really. They came out all battle scarred and tough from defending their turf.



See that one of the lower left? Clearly the leader and spokesperson for the group. You can tell because he has the biggest mouth.
I thought we were going to have a rumble right there on the cooling rack.


I finally talked some sense into them and they settled down..but man, I still have to watch them. That strawberry guy has a serious attitude.



I know, I know..I promised you the pervy muffin. Fine. Here:


You guys need to get out more.