Monday, August 25, 2008

Relationship Jewelry.

Do you have any old jewelry from an old relationship that you just can't bear to part with? You don't wear it, it just sits there in the bottom of your jewelry box, staring at you. Making you wonder what you're so damn sentimental about. Making you superstitious to wear it in case it is infected with bad relationship juice. Okay..maybe too far.

But here's the deal. I have this bracelet from my ex. It's really pretty, white gold and tanzanite. I love love loved it when he gave it to me. I wore it all the time. Good memories. Because I wore it all the time, he used to yell at me when it poked or scratched him in bed. Bad memories.

Yet I still have the thing. It's the last thing he gave me that I still own. Well, almost, but his fraternity letters remind me of college, and my friends, not really of him. What a jerk I am.
I wore it today. The bracelet, not the frat letters. I made the bold move to spit in the face of my superstitious nonsense and wore it. And I was all sentimental about it for an hour. I kept looking at how delicate and pretty it is. I remembered how happy I was when he gave it to me.

Then I started typing, and it started digging into my arm and being annoying. So I remembered how our relationship did that...look pretty, and then start digging in.

Now, it's the end of the day, and I'm totally over it. It's hurting me, I feel confined by it, and I can't wait to get it off. Funny how symbolic it is of the entire relationship.

So I decided to pawn it. How heartless is that? But at this moment, I don't ever want to wear it again. And what, I'm going to save it for the children I have with another man? I think not.
Nope, this bracelet is at least 1/3 of my new fantastic big girl bed. And when I sleep on it, I'll think of how far I've come.
It'll be the best thing he ever gave me.

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

The list

I started a post about how I'm currently wallowing in self pity..I actually got pretty far. But I'm terrible at wallowing. I simply cannot be negative for longer than an hour. I can start out feeling really sorry for myself, and without even trying, it turns itself into a resolve to do what it takes to make myself not feel this way.
Right now, that means telling all of you what is fantastic in my life.
1. My job is great. It's not easy, but I work with a group of good people, and one of my co-workers makes me struggle not to pee my pants laughing at least once per day.
2. I just got a fantastic new apartment! It's got a nice big bedroom, it's in a great area of the city, and my new roommate seems pretty great. And she's got a sweet cat, so I get someone to snuggle!
3. I'm finally in a place where there are things to do. If I want to go to a movie, I can just go. If I want to go out for a drink, woo hoo. If I want ice cream at 11 pm, chances are good that I can do that too.
4. I just joined a gym. I'm intimidated/excited about it. I have a personal trainer! How cool is that?
5. My best friends are just that. The best! I could not have revamped my life without them. They are always here for me, and each of them knows what to do in my different times of need. Thanks to Sarah W for kicking my ass last night. I needed a little tough love.

So I've got a lot going for me. Stay tuned for "The List" part 2, where I will detail all the things that I'm looking for in Mr. Perfect. Based not only on my own experience, but on the general discussion of stupid boy things going on in my office.

Friday, August 15, 2008

Gold Medal in Nerdyness

So I've become an Olympics Nerd. How can you not? Besides the fact that I've been staying up way too late to watch. The gymnasts are fantastic. I'm facinated by men's gymnastics. And not just because they have rockin bodies either. Their routines are out of control!
I do think though, that this guy gets the overall badass award for the entire summer games.
If you don't know who that is, you've obviously been living under a rock. So he keeps blowing world records away by entire body lengths! My fave moment of the whole week was during a qualifier for some race or other, and Phelps finishes first with enough time to turn around, stand up, and grin while the other dudes finish. BADASS!
One thing...this guy's hotter.
Just Sayin.
If you need me, I'll be glued to the TV.

Sunday, August 10, 2008

Wednesday, August 6, 2008


That's my city. It's beautiful. I moved here thinking I'd regularly view sunsets over the buildings, that I'd be near the water all the time, that I'd be Mary Tyler Moore.
This is not the way it's working out. My job is still fantastic. I'm settling in and everyone is very nice. My students are limiting themselves to easy questions for now, and I'm gearing up for the huge trial by fire that is the fall semester.
But I can't find an apartment. To be fair, I haven't been looking too long, but I'm already discouraged. I cannot afford to live alone. I wish I could. Imagine all the space! All to myself!
I seem to be the only normal, well adjusted human being under the age of 40 in this city. Is it too much to ask for these qualities in a roommate?
  • No smoking weed. Okay, if your college buddy is here from L.A, and you guys are out at a concert and 'Dude, it's cool man' then whatever. But I am not "420 Friendly." Pot and I have never been friends. I just don't want my living room to be one continuous loop of the basement of "That 70's Show"
  • Does not have a problem with 'the man.' I work for the man. He pays my bills. Someone has to. I don't see you making a ton of money with your vegan, non-profit, holistic, free-trade yarn spinning business. Just sayin.
  • Watches TV. Or at the very least does not think it's unacceptable for me to do so. It's Grey's Anatomy. Of course it's rotting my brain. So is my job. Lay off.
  • Lives in an apartment with a common area. Like Sarah W said, "What if you bring a date home? Do you just go immediately to the bedroom?" Lesson here? Not watching TV leads to casual sex.
  • Eats meat. I know, lots of people are vegetarians, and that's fine, but when it gets to the point that you have to own your own pots and pans because flesh shall not touch anything that touches your pristine free trade, organic, hand picked, farmers market veggies....Get over yourself.
  • Apartment does not require me to get raped, mugged and murdered trying to catch a bus home. I mean, is it too much to ask for homegirl to spend an entire 5 minutes not feeling like she should be toting 7 knives and a gallon of mase?
  • Costs less than $800 per month. What is the world coming to when half your monthly paycheck is taken up by the rent in your skeevy apartment that share with granola hippies who don't watch TV and are always high, and you barely make rent because you are getting mugged every week on the way home?
So am I too high maintenance here? I work with a large group of very respectable young women. I know they exist. Or dudes for that matter. I don't care. Where are the normal people? I'm starting a support group for all of us well adjusted kids floating in a sea of veggie eating, smelly granola hippies.
Call me naive, but I didn't think it would be this bad. Mary Tyler Moore did it....