Thursday, April 23, 2009

Breathe in...Breathe out.

It came to my attention recently that I have a very large amount of peace in my life. Sure, I often bitch about the little things...bills, boys, public transportation. But really, my life is my own. All decisions lie under my control (more or less.)
I am the person who chooses the color I want the new duvet to be. I am the person who dictates what I eat for dinner. I am the person who gives me permission to stay out late on a work night, drinking beers and commiserating with friends.
I am also the person who pays the bills. I am the person who has to get her hands on power tools to hang the curtains that go with that new duvet. I am the one who suffers bad nutrition and hangovers from her choices.
But if my future comes out anything like I hope it will, this will not always be the case. Someday, there may be someone there who cares (although minimally) about what color the duvet is. He will also be the one who hangs the curtains.
If I make the choice to eat pizza for dinner twice in one week, there may be small people missing out on servings of veggies because of it. If I am hungover, it will only make the "why" phase more painful for me.
The moral here is...I look forward to the day when my life is not only my own, but for now, it is. It is all about me, and only me. I am usually inclined to see only the curse in that, but today, I see the blessing.
So for now, I vow to ignore the guilt if I want to lay on that new duvet all day Saturday. I promise to be aware of the moments that I get now to be selfish and choose only what I want, right now.
After all, It's all about me.

1 comment:

Starla said... I remember a time when my pizza selection was not based on what i wanted to share with my son...