Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Mr. Perfect

As you can tell, there is a current streak of man craziness running through my life. I can't help it. I don't know if you've noticed, but they are EVERYWHERE!

I was talking to my friend a while ago, and we decided that Hollywood gives women really unrealistic expectations about men. Think about it. Name one romantic comedy that could actually happen. With a man that looks like they do, no less.

In the interest of science (and in the case that anyone is still reading this) I have decided to identify the men that most appeal to me in movies, and then blame them for my unrealistic expectations.

First up, let's go back to my childhood.

Wesley (Princess Bride)
This is my version of the handsome prince. He gave me the expectation that it's possible for a perfectly ordinary man you have known all your life to suddenly become the soul mate you didn't know you had. All he has to do get noticed is to take over a pirate ship, become immune to poison, fight 3 bad guys to rescue you, befriend them, come back from the dead and scare the crap out of your new boyfriend. Simple.

Johnny (Dirty Dancing)
He's the reason I'm waiting for some experienced older man to see some spark of uniqueness in me, despite the fact that I'm surrounded by model-gorgeous professional dancers. He'll teach me to dance, take me out in the woods in the rain and then kindly let me clumsily seduce him. As I get older, this goes from unlikely to absolutely ridiculous.

In college I discovered:

Jonathan Trager (Serendipity)
Here is a man that will live his whole life trying to find the woman he thinks is his destiny. Just when he gives in and lets life happen, she shows up. He made me wish my freckles were in the shape of constellations. He made me sure I could miss an opportunity with a man, and that fate would bring him right back to me later in life. He made me read "Love in a Time of Cholera."
He's also responsible for one of my favorite movie quotes:
"How do you feel?"
"Like a Jackass!"

Crash Davis (Bull Durham) I ever have a bone to pick with Crash Davis. Poor Annie is busy deluding herself into thinking her life is full with baseball and teaching young men the ways of the world, and here he comes, well read and confident, quietly sexy. Damn him. She didn't even know what she was missing. I think I will live out the rest of my single life waiting for my Crash Davis. (There are some seriously wonderful quotes in this movie too. "Oh Crash, You do make speeches.")

And most recently, I'm a little ashamed to admit:

Edward Cullen (Twilight)
Alright, I get it that he's a vampire. But tell me ladies, what isn't sexy about a man who finds you so irresistible that he can not stay away from you, even if it might be the worst thing for you both? And some of the best 'not-bloody-likely' moments happen in the rest of the books, so just you wait until that hits the big screen.

Some who may not play key roles in my delusion, but don't really help it out either:

James Bond and Jason Bourne (Multiple films)
They're dangerous, sexy and keep the world safe from the bad guys.

Prime Minister (Love Actually)
He's into her even if she isn't everyone's idea of perfect, and he's got a lovely accent.

Will Hayes (Definitely, Maybe)
Thank you Ryan Reynolds for making single dads glamorous and sexy.

So, in closing, isn't it shocking that I am still single? There must be dozens of wise, confident, pirate captain vampires who are ballroom dancing their way through San Francisco, fighting bad guys and using English accents.

If you meet one, introduce me.

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